Taking values one step further…
Anyone who has worked with me knows how seriously I take core values. I find them to be foundational in so many ways and somewhat life-changing when you’re able to identify them for yourself.
That’s why yesterday was so impactful for me. I was listening to Brené Brown’s podcast - I have ventured into the Unlocking Us side of her podcasts since I’ve listened to the full Dare to Lead catalogue - and picked the “Living Into Our Values” episode.
While Brené and I differ slightly on the ideal number of values (she says 2, I like 3-5), we align more than we differ. She walks through her method of values selection but what I found most valuable was the conversation around what behaviors are “outside of your values”. Essentially, what’s going on when you’re not fully in your values. It felt very similar to a conversation she had with Jim Collins where he talked about “shadow values.” As he described it, you have your core values but, if an alien were to observe you for a day, what would they say you value as well?
A question I usually ask to validate core values is - think of a time you felt good, are all of these things checked off… and when you were feeling off, which one(s) of these things are stressed/in conflict/etc?
I was feeling particularly off yesterday and it wasn’t a straight line to my core values checklist but more that I wasn’t in my values, as Brené and her sister discussed.
Whenever I’ve talked with clients about their shadow value, it typically traces back to an element of control. But, the interesting part is what form that control takes.
My brand of control/my shadow value is what I can best describe as “over-responsibility”. Whether it’s an issue that can be controlled or is patently out of anyone’s control, I feel solely responsible based on my actions (or inaction, depending on the situation). It takes me way out of my values - particularly balance and connection - and is logically an incredibly unreasonable expectation.
Once I was able to identify my shadow value and how it draws me away from my core values it helped me make sense of what was going on and has given me a tool to help identify the feeling and adjust going forward.
I’m thankful for the introspection and hope it prompts you to think about your shadow value and how it shows up for you.
Resources:
Unlocking Us Podcast - https://brenebrown.com/podcast/living-into-our-values/
Openspark Core Values Blog Post - https://www.opensparkconsulting.com/blog/core-values-exercise